Cold weather is on its way, and that psychedelicious summer blowout, Wakarusa Festival (Four-days of music and camping with 70+ bands on multiple stages at Clinton Lake in Lawrence, Kansas) seems farther away than ever.
The streams of hippies, jam-banders and ravers that filter through Lawrence each summer (and litter downtown streets for weeks afterwards) are no doubt at a loss for what to do with themselves during these cold, dark days. For those who can not afford the fare to Ibiza, Goa or Essaouira, I've been working on imagining alternative affairs to fill in the time/void between Wakarusa Festivals. The only catch is, they all have to more or less rhyme with Wakarusa.
I had a lot of fun with this, but I'm only including my favorite 15 for now. A special reader-generated list will be posted here next month, so your own ideas for Wakarusalternatives are welcome. In the spirit of festivals, the more the merrier.
Here's a look at my current favorite like-named alternatives to Wakarusa Fest:
Tacorusa
A giant taco-feed, open to people of all ages, creeds and cultures
Guacarusa
Originally a part of Tacorusa, Guacarusa was able to become its own event thanks to generous funding from La Raza
Spockarusa
A bunch of people dressed like Spock and/or naturally resembling Leonard "Party Long and Prosper" Nimoy
Glockarusa
The most dangerous of all 'rusas
Jockarusa
An attempt by the KU Athletic Department to draw attention to sports instead of hippie culture, promoted with the slogan, "Don't get high, get in shape!"
Iraqarusa
A portable version of Wakarusa Fest, taking place at various military bases throughout the occupied regions. Like the real thing, only thousands of miles away and without all the long hair and frivolity
Polackarusa
A celebration of Polish culture designed to combat negative stereotypes brought about by decades of Polack jokes. Features traditional folk music, dances and a Kielbasa cookoff.
Wild Bill Hickockarusa
A celebration of the fastest draw in the Wild West, perhaps taking place in one of those all-but-abandoned cavalry outposts between Topeka and Kanorado
Cockblockarusa
A sorority party in which nerds arrive first and flirt with surprising success, only to be interrupted and outmaneuvered at the last moment by more socially adept jock-types
Tony La Russa
A marathon screening of all the World Series the famed MLB manager has been a part of
Hemlockarusa
A celebration of the life of Socrates, with a reading of his works followed by a ritualistic (mock) suicide
Chicken Pockarusa
An assembly of blemished primary-schoolers
Talkarusa
A festival dedicated to putting aside the time to talk out your differences. A big letdown for men whose girlfriends mislead them into thinking they'll be attending the more-popular "Tacorusa"
Liplockarusa
A giant kiss-off
Crockarusa
A swap-meet dedicated exclusively to crock pots
Now it's your turn. Good luck!
9 comments:
How about Waka Wakarusa. Muppets galore. Not sure what the bands would sound like?
Also, Wokarusa (of the same pronounciation), a giant Japanese cookoff using only a Wok to cook your favorite Eastern dish.
I foresee difficulties in the port-a-pottie department at the Tacorusa.
Waka Wakarusa is probably just the best idea ever, so I'm not even going to try.
how about diplodocurusa?
I took this seriously.
Cuckoldarusa
A festival were close buds come together to tell a mutual friend that his wife is cheating on him. Immediately after the news is broken confetti is dropped on the crowd just to remind everyone it’s still a party.
Cockrockarusa
Ratt, Warrant, Cinderella, Skid Row: this is the only festival where fans of these bands can get together in a big, open space and trade their CDs, cassette tapes, and spandex for three days of intense cock-rock bartering! Anyone caught trafficking in merchandise unrelated to cock rock will be asked to leave. Those who show up expecting to see these bands will be directed to the nearest county fair.
HitchcockarusaPalooza
A celebration of everything Hitchcock! The legendary director Alfred Hitchcock, the Soft Boys front man and solo artist Robyn Hitchcock, Civil War general Ethan A. Hitchcock and former Nebraska senator Phineas Hitchcock will be celebrated alongside other notable Hitchcocks. Hitchcock-persons -- for instance, Australian singer and actress Carol Hitchcock -- will be exulted alongside non-human Hitchcocks, such as the town Hitchcock, Texas or Lake Hitchcock in Connecticut. It’s HitchcockarusaPalooza!!
SmockandFrockarusa--Where you can buy your hippie clothes to wear to Wakarusa.
Proctorusa--Gather together to adminster standardized tests without those pesky test-takers.
Popandlockarusa--for all those Kansan hiphop dancers
Soviet Blocarusa -
The antithesis of the consumerist festivals we've come to know and love. You've been to Comic-con, why not try Comecon? Held annually in December, this event consists of long lines, even longer lines, and one giant stage. Includes big name performers like Reanimated Brezhnev and Billy Joel, who will perform (Iron) curtain call after (Iron) curtain call until the masses are either satisfied or revoltingly not so. Can't see? Climb up on that tank for a better view. Watch out for the mist tent, which sometimes sprays suspiciously red-tinted water.
J.S.Bacharusa -
Sure, you've heard the Brandenburg concertos. But have you ever heard the Brandenburg concertos while holding hands and skipping in a field with a topless body-painted princess named Andromeda, hopped up on Diazepam?
This is your chance. Reinvent yourself to the Inventions! Party to the Partitas! Bach and Roll!
Ad-Hoc-arusa -
The committee to end all committees. Make sure to stick around for the disbanding.
FutureShockarusa -
With musical guests Herbie Hancock-arusa, Curtis Mayfield, and Stratovarius, as well as a book signing by Alvin Toffler, this is truly a festival for the forward-thinker. Here, you are invited to experience information overload, shattering stress, and disorientation at your leisure, and on your own terms. Only $119 for a weekend pass! Don't worry, there are more than enough activities to last through the weekend. You won't be disappointed, you'll be disconnected.
Wiki-rusa -
Pop in your wireless card and go. Every night in my room, circa 10pm. Doesn't stop 'til the break of dawn.
Tuskarusa
A Fleetwood Mac convention or an Ivory trading store. I think the former might be little more desirable...
Blogarusa: a virtual festival where everybody blogs his favourite songs at the same time and gets wasted at home alone
Schmockarusa: The one and only Jewish culture meets German Krautrock festival
Walkarusa: a festival for the athlecially challenged, 48 hours of straight nordic walking
Tagarusa: weird moment at first, when a bunch of army guys met the graffiti comunity because of a miscommunication in the PR department. But they worked it out for the best
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