An article in the Kansas City Star last month stated that some 400 acres in South Johnson County are being considered as the site for what would be the fifth Legoland Amusement Park in the entire world. The front-page piece, framed by a cutesily scanned-in Lego block border, posed the headlining question: Block-buster idea for JoCo?
My response: Preposterous! Are the powers-that-be in Johnson County so intoxicated by the potential commercial and tax benefits of a Legoland that they don't realize a rollercoaster made of Legos isn't safe?
I don't care that it’s a $200 million proposal, or that they’ve already succeeded in using 1.5 million Lego blocks to replicate Mt. Rushmore. A life-sized Legocoaster will violate the laws of physics and almost certainly result in destruction. Believe me, I’ve seen it happen before.
As a child growing up in Johnson County, I witnessed just how suddenly Lego civilizations can be laid to waste. Entire feudal structures, cosmic fleet voyagers, an armada of sea-faring buccaneers -- time and time again my little plastic friends met their doom at the hands of my toddler siblings. If Legolands are subject to disaster on the whim of a three-year-old, I'd hate to see how a Lego theme park stacks up against gravity, not to mention aggressive speeds.
Also, the proposed use of state funds to finance the project is a slap in the face to Jackson Countians, who recently took on a new tax hike to save Truman Sports Complex. Yes, Kansas City, Kan. benefited from the aid of STAR bonds to fund the 1-70 Speedway, but let's be honest -- your average Wyandotte Countian would give his life for that race track.
To be fair, Johnson County has seen its share of recent developmental success stories. "Town Center" is considered a unique marvel of the "New Suburbanism" architectural movement, and the transformation of the now defunct Mission Center Mall into a "Zona Rosa South" is bound to be a smash-hit. And who could deny the beauty of the Overland Park Convention Center? But a JoCo Legoland -- even one featuring the rampant shopportunities of I-70 Speedway's Village West -- would be a project of Gatsbian ostentation, one likely to result in a similarly tragic outcome. And if for some reason it does succeed, what would be next, a Lego tower of babble?
Then again, maybe Johnson County needs such a tragedy to mend its apparent break with reality. With state and county legislators devoting so much attention to deciding how evolution and sex education should be taught in our schools, a Lego rollercoaster crash might help South Kansas Citians regain their focus on the more important issues of underage drinking and day-to-day survival.
As a lifetime Lego enthusiast and a staunch supporter of both Denmark and Kansas City, I do believe that the Lego spirit is one of progress and construction. I even think a JoCo Legoland might be fun. But with such an alarming lack of practicality and humility invested in the theme park's potential energy, the kinetic energy needed to power such a park work would be sorely lacking. In the end, I don't care that "Lego" translates to "play well." Not even the Wizard of Oz can make this misguided wish come true.
sincerely,
Indignancy Drew
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