This is the kind of thing I used to write for the University Daily Kansan. Complete text is in the comments section, in case the scanned-in article is too hard to read (you can also click the images to enlarge). Bonus points if you can tell me the name of the poet Ryan Clinger quotes at the tail end of the story.
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STUDENT STUCK IN TREE
by Lucas Wetzel
A University of Kansas student was rescued yesterday from a tree where he had been stranded for three weeks following a freak sledding accident.
Ryan Clinger, Dallas sophomore, was forced to live on nuts, berries and other scavenged food for most of February.
"I thought I would be up there for the rest of my life," Clinger said.
Clinger became lodged in the tree after his sled hit a large root that propelled him hundreds of feet in the air.
The tree, not having any lower branches, left Ryan at a precarious height and in a horrible situation.
Making do with the resources he had, Clinger used icicles for water and small storages of nuts left by squirrels for food. After a week, supplies ran low, forcing Clinger to nocturnally hunt the squirrels that had previously sustained him with their winter storages.
Jack Patterson, Hoisington senior, heard Clinger shouting and came back soon after with a ladder for Ryan to climb down the 30 feet that separated him from the ground.
In the process of living in the tree, Clinger developed a zest for peace and a guilt-driven concern for all forms of life.
"I guess he figured while h e was up there he might as well make peace with them critters," said Patterson.
After descending, the two went to Yello Sub, where Clinger consumed a foot-long Green Turkey in less than three minutes and notified his loved ones that he was okay.
After dining, Clinger's state (went) from ravenous to contemplative.
"I think that I shall never see a prison as lovely as a tree," said Clinger. "The cold perfume of bark has raised the anticipation of sensational revolutions in my unsettled life. Violence has begotten peace, peace has fluttered away in agitation. A bewildered change has turned among the roots and the Prince's kiss is as far at sea as ever. But this act for me has come to an end. The world is new."
As usual, the sapphic rhythms of WCW, MD, have raised the anticipation of a Green Turkey Sub in my unsettled life. Unfortunately for me, that act has come to an end. What was "Today in History" is now "Yesterday in History." And I know all too well that a Green Turkey sub waits for no man, for it is the soggiest of all Yellow Subs.
this diverges from the post, but is important nevertheless.
happy belated birthday
emily
Ah, the dopplegangers were out in droves yesterday. I only wish that I had seen you, instead of your look-alike. Well now you have my number, and if you ever need somebody to play frisbee with, I am MORE than willing any time, provided I am available. Even late night frisbee- I have one that lights up. Anyway, catch ya later!
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