Happy Christmas

I found this postcard of Santa with his chipped-away eyeballs in the bargain bin of a second-hand store. I love how the doll is about to be abducted from the toy pile by the little Christmas devil hiding in the Christmas tree. Puts me in the spirit.

Lots of holiday cheer and love from Lucubrations. I'm off to go wrap presents, drink springboek shots and eat several pounds of polish sausage.

See you soon

LW

positive/negative

I had a story in the Star the other day. It was about Christmas. Maybe not my bestest piece ever, but it was a nice opportunity and it turned out okay. The only problem was the head shot, which on the Web site looks like this...



Scary, huh? I was pretty creeped out at first but upon further examination the texture on the wall behind me shows up in the negative version like a bunch of stars, as if I'm not just a guest columnist but instead some kind of galactic message-bringer. And I guess that's kind of cool. Anyway at least my photo didn't wind up here.

Speaking of writing, last week on the Universal Press Editor's Blog I posted a short essay about the famous South American comic character and overall pervy bird, Condorito. You can read that here. My friend Mr. Bolling, creator of "Tom the Dancing Bug," posted some additional comments and a Condorito-inspired strip on his site.

Romance of the Black Grief

by Les Rallizes Denudes.

Fun Saver Friends

I know I should probably get with the times and post this kind of thing on Facebook. But that's so exclusive...I want the whole world to be able to ignore my fun-saver photo series. From top: Plaenterwald, Arboretum, Warwickshire.

Lopsided: A short film by Blue McNiel

My friend and neighbor Blue McNiel's film was featured in the UMKC end-of-the-semester student film showcase at the Tivoli last week. With her debut effort, "Lopsided," she manages to tell an interesting and highly personal story in just six and a half minutes. You can now watch it here.

"I'm OK. All I can report is a size ten." - W

So bizarre, on so many levels. The guy throws a shoe. Misses. Then another shoe. Misses. Somewhere off camera, just before the shoe-flinger is taken down, a woman screams.

The best part, though, by far, is Bush's follow-up shrug. It's a shrug that will go down in history.

Reminds me of the 2003 Schwarzenegger egg incident. As Arnold said at the time, "It's just part of the the free speech."

Kansas City Skylines

Part of a recent photoseries

Dining out downtown -- or -- Aiding and abetting the soda addictions of those too young to speak

Next door to my new downtown place of employment, there's a Kentucky Fried Chicken/Pizza Hut Express. Although the novelty and enjoyment are quickly wearing off, I've been going there about once or twice a week.

I never eat the fried chicken, just the pizza, and the breadsticks, drink and personal pan (well, box) are a pretty good deal for six bucks. Adding to the allure is the proprietor, a middle-aged Indian guy who calls everyone "buddy" or "sweetheart" depending on their gender (I'll let you figure out who gets called what). Though it sounds a trifle awkward in his thick accent, the heartfelt delivery more than makes up for it.

So the other day I was in there filling up my soda when I saw this little kid in a coat and stocking cap holding his soda cup and looking at me expectantly. I figured he wanted a refill, so I decided to help.

"Which one do you want?" I asked.

"Masfhfhfah" he said.

"Which one?"

"Dsssffffffma" he said, standing up on the toes of his Velcro sneakers and pointing up to the Dr. Pepper.

So the kid couldn't really talk, even though he looked like he was at least 3. No problem, I thought. Just fill up his Dr. Pepper. But as soon as I held the cup under the thing, he reached up and held down the lever (being just tall enough to reach it) and didn't let go until the fizz had crowned in a nice bubble just a split second away from overflowing.

I put the lid on for him and stuck in a straw, since he seemed to have lost his original one. I carefully handed him the full soda, which he almost immediately dropped. Once he got a better hold of it, he tilted the cup so he could get a drink -- never mind that the lid was firmly in place. In addition to not knowing how to talk, he also did not appear to know how to use a straw.

That's also when I realized that he was carrying a white styrofoam cup that definitely wasn't from the Kentucky Fried/Pizza Hut. For all I know, he had picked it up off the ground and carried it in to me to fill up for him while his mom took her sweet time deciding which chicken bowl to order.

Fortunately the mom reappeared, showed him how to use the straw, and told the kid to say "thank you" to me. "Mffaaffwa," he said, not taking his mouth off the cup. As the two of them walked off, I exchanged glances with the guy who runs the place and shrugged as if to apologize for using his soft drink fountain to fill up the contraband soda cups of itinerant, inarticulate children.

The man smiled and waved it off. "It's no big deal, buddy," he said.

And that's the end of my story.

Last Chance for a Trance Dance

Hello, friends. I know it has been a few days, and though I've had lots of hard-hitting and hilarious blogs lined up, I wanted the monkey thing to get maximum exposure. Aside from that jerk who wrote in saying he was going to get a stuffed one to hang his keys on, the response was really positive and I think things are looking up for the species.

If you ever click on here and are frustrated to see that I didn't post anything new, you can always check out the links I added to the sidebar. I'm also contributing to the Editors' Blog at my syndicate, which is at the top of that list. There's some pretty funny stuff up there, and it'll give you a window into the wild world of comics syndication. The design is pretty no-frills, though, so if any of you with any design talent want to help make some kind of banner, let me know.

Also, Jennifer and I put together a travel article that is featured in the newest issue of Urban Times KC. You can pick up a copy at newsstands around downtown or the Plaza, or read it online. It might not be the most cutting edge piece about Berlin, but it was written more as an intro to the city than a guide to the freakish and offbeat.

Whether I'm writing a straightforward piece or something more unusual, I've noticed that I tend to focus on the exciting or positive aspects of a place. My story about the Southmoreland neighborhood (I'd link to it, but the link with photos is dead so I might just scan that in at some point) was about how happy and creative things are. So it is kind of fun when I come across something like this piece by Midtown Miscreant, which presents an entirely different side of life in the art neighborhood.

I'll post more tomorrow, probably some music-related stuff and maybe a super-short story about drinking soda with a 3-year-old, but for now I'm heading out to see my friend Blue's short film. After that, we're picking up brother James at the Aeropuerto. As many of you know, he's been studying design, architecture and the art of historically charged sound installation sculpture in Berlin, but he's heading back to Kansas City for a spell to resume his position in the popcorn industry.


See you soon.

LW

Save the Tonkin Snub-Nosed Monkey!

According to Science Daily's report from just a few hours ago (I get a direct feed to any breaking news about rare monkey conservation efforts), a new population of extremely rare snub-nosed monkeys has been discovered in the forests of North Vietnam.

From the article:

"When I saw the Tonkin snub-nosed monkeys in Tung Vai Commune I was overjoyed. This new discovery further underlines the importance of learning more about the Tonkin snub-nosed monkeys' range and distribution. There is still time to save this unique species, but with just 200 or so left and threats still strong, we need to act now."

-- Conservation biologist Le Khac Quyet, who made a name for himself as one of the few people in the world who can claim to be an expert on this mysterious species

While I can not claim to be an expert on the species, which in some respects look eerily similar to Ewoks, they are one of my favorite species of primate, right up there with humans, Yunnan Golden and Proboscis monkeys.

Thursday Tracks: Voodoo Funk

In the shifting sands of music blogs, which are usually little more than links, promotion and piracy, "Voodoo Funk" is an exceptional operation. Voodoo Funk is run by a German DJ named Frank, whose goal was to find as many vintage African records as possible during his three years living and traveling in West Africa. Right now I think he's DJing in New York.

There's a lot of great mixes up on his site, which I find exceptionally fun to listen to while doing my favorite activities around the house like washing the dishes, rearranging papers and pacing back and forth down the hallway. The above video is a trailer for a documentary someone is making about his record-buying journeys, and the one below is some shaky cell phone video he shot while riding around Cotonou on the back of a Zemidjan. The song is from the Psychedelic Man EP by De Frank & His Professionals. Keep up the good work, Frank.

A Very Bahamian Christmas

Since we're already being inundated with Christmas carols in public places, I thought I'd share this clip of my new favorite Christmas song: Joseph Spence's live rendition of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town." Spence was a folk singer and guitar player from an island in the Bahamas. He was known for his unique finger-style method of playing guitar and also for his distinctive growling vocals, which in a way are reminiscent of Tom Waits or Thelonious Monk. One time I put on a CD of his and Jennifer started looking outside the windows and all over the apartment to identify where the raspy voices were coming from, not realizing it was part of the music. Joe more than just growls his way through this one -- he straight-up sings.

Even if he doesn't know the words.

Images for December

Some photos, postcards and found art to kick off the new month. Feel free to post your own captions, questions or interpretations in the comments section.


Bischofsreut Blizzard


The Last Unicorn by Liz Gardner


Make A Wish


White Rhino by JLW


De Ballenman by Ben van Eck


Missing


Cape Monster by LDHW


Old Man Winter


May You Live in Interesting Times, by LDHW